Together forever or Not.

Our whole family was together for the weekend and we had a great time, but two days with three kids made me feel like I lived and spoke to my husband but didn’t actually see him. Perhaps it is my obsession with perfection when my stepsons are with us. I want our time together as a complete family to be idyllic and the reality is closer to crazy. Our fourteen-year-old is obsessed with video games and, since he doesn’t get to play them at his Mom’s, he never wants to leave the house when he is with us. Ah, the thrill of the “Battle for Middle Earth.” Meanwhile our 18-year-old wants to go out, be active, and do things. The 5-year-old seems to get bratty the minute I want her to be the easy-going little sister. At these moments the question that haunts me is …”How do people with four or five kids do it? I get overwhelmed with three. Or do I?? Am I overwhelmed or actually obsessed because in my stepmom-dream-world I want our time together as a family to resemble a Norman Rockwell painting? Come to think of it, why is that too much to ask? Don’t blended families deserve a little bliss too? Perhaps we have found bliss and just don’t know it. Is it not blissful to have time away from the ones you love? One of the luxuries of my blended family is that we all have opportunities to get away from each other: the boys spend time with their Mom, my husband gets away to do things with them, and I have the ease of a single child without the parental guilt. Kahlil Gilbran wrote in his book The Prophet, “Stand together yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” So instead of worrying about being a “perfect family” I am going to try and relax and enjoy our time together and then truly enjoy what a lot of families dream of… our time away from each other.

Comments

ho does your husbands ex feel about you describing your step son as "our eighteen year old" No judgement here I'm just curious. I'm cringing on her behalf.

sorry that should have been "how does...."

You just described my family, and my feelings as well. I too have two teenage stepsons and a young girl. And yes, I think of my stepsons as "our boys." They are not my sons, but they are "ours." Those Norman Rockwell moments do happen, but not when I plan them! Learning to enjoy our lives together means taking what comes, celebrating the little things, and realizing that nothing will ever work out as planned!

Molly I agree with you in treating your stepsons as "yours" too, your worst mistake would be to treat them as "outsiders".
Then, try to get some time for you and your husband without kids... we need to work on our couple too. I go to the movies once a month with my husband, it is a great time for us, we're able to actually be together.

one of the reasons I always enjoy your blogs - you always seem to dig a little deeper into things than most! Thanks for 'The Prophet' quote, there's always something good to glean from Gilbran

Very interesting and professional site! Good luck!

This is the first time I've encountered your blog and I am instantly a fan. Your critical analysis of the roles of a modern woman and mother remind me greatly of a film I just saw at the Film Forum in NYC called Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman. It's an exploration of the roles of women all over the world. You have a very similiar outlook on our gender in this chaotic and still male-dominated world. I urge you and fans of your site to check it out! It's only in NYC for 2 more days!

Hi. I'm a first time poster. I think its normal for you to be obsessed with spending 'perfect' time with your blended family.. We all turn obsessive about things like that! Anyway, love your blog! Looking forward to the next post..

Hi! Your web site is helpful. Many thanks. Best regards!

I can really identify with moms who try to 'make everything perfect.' Over the years, however, I've realized that I drive my family crazy trying to 'create the perfect dinner, the picturesque Christmas, the fantasy birthday party, etc. I've found that when I slow down and prioritize, that all my family really wants is ME. And it's those times, that we all make our best memories! (Of course it's taken me awhile to realize this!)

There's a new book out: THE ENTREPRENEURIAL MOM, that explains how to 'balance life' for all those busy, overwrought moms out there! (It's written by one of US too!) I'm half-way through it, but am thoroughly enjoying it!

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why no recent updates?????

Hi! Your web site is helpful. Many thanks. Best regards!

All the best!
updates?