Lies we were told in the 80’s
When I told my doctor that I had gotten pregnant by accident without fertility at 38, she said and I quote, “It was a miracle.” It struck me as crazy because I remember sitting in my gynecologist’s office in the late 80’s saying that I was sure I wanted to have a baby but I wasn’t in any hurry. I wanted to pursue my career and have some fun before I started thinking about a family. She told me to relax. Doctors were doing so much with fertility that she was certain that by the time I was ready to have kids, women would have them well into their 40’s without any trouble. Sadly, what our doctors didn’t know at the time was the limited number of eggs we had. Yes, our bodies could carry babies to term, but our actual fertility was the problem. Many of my friends remember having this same conversation with their doctors. Several of them are now in the midst of major fertility work. Their worlds are centered around invitro, donor eggs, clomid and needles.
I have always considered myself a feminist. I truly feel it is my body and I have the right to choose what I do with it. I believe women should get equal pay for equal work and I think our careers are as important as any man’s. I love making my own money and being an equal partner with my husband financially. But I also believe that women need to know the truth about fertility and the sad truth is we have a window to EASILY have kids, and that is before 35. What really sucks is that 35 is also the age where your career really starts taking off.
I think it really is a man’s world because it often feels like for women, every day has to be some kind of compromise. If we get pregnant, then we are stopping our career to focus on family. If your child is sick and you stay home, you are obviously not committed to your career. I have to believe if men had babies too, the system would be easier. The only way this will change is when corporate America makes it possible for women to have it all…. career and family.
I knew a woman who was on the fast track at one of the top brokerage firms in New York. Her son was four and started having behavioral problems in pre-school. A therapist told her and her husband that one of them needed to stay home with their son. She made the most money and was on the way to a partnership but she knew she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t spend the time with her son. I totally supported her decision and would have done the same thing. A few years later, when her son was happy and doing great in school, she tried to reconnect with the company that thought so highly of her. Unfortunately, she found that her success had passed her by. Was she fulfilled by the time spent with her son? Absolutely. But why couldn’t she have both?
“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan… and never, never, never let him forget he’s a man. ‘Cause I’m a woman”. Wasn’t this a hit in the 80’s?
Comments
What I don't understand is why people look at me like I am crazy when I say I don't want children.
Don't take this wrong but count your blessing. I'll be 40 this year and never had a birth child. Not by choice. I wanted being a mom to be my career, found out at 22 I could not has kids! But, God blessed me with two boys abandonded by the birth mother. Happy Mother's Day to me.
i work 116 miles round trip i make less than my husband he has dropp the kids off go to work as aplumber pick up the kids and clean and cook dinner. he wants me to work closer to home i do not want to instead i threatened to leave him and take the kids. i feel that the twenty hours i spend on the freeway is mine and would not be beneficial to my family if they want more time with me they can sell the house and move closer to my work. is this too harsh? taratod@gmail.com
