Kindergarten Supermodel

I was sitting in the park today and I overheard some women chatting. Alright, I was listening to their conversation, but what else can one do when you are alone in the park watching your child play? Anyway I digress, I “overheard” a woman say to her three-year-old daughter, “You look just like a model.” It is so easy to say these sorts of things to our children and I am sure she meant it as a compliment, but it got me thinking about how we talk to our girls. As a society, we are very critical of the rail-thin models that dominate the magazines and advertisements in this country, but without thinking, we are often quick to use them as examples of beauty.

I often wonder about the whole princess/dress-up thing with little girls. (Let me say I am completely guilty of this one.) My daughter has at least 20 costumes, complete with crowns and sparkly shoes. She dresses up all the time and we ‘oohh’ and ‘aahh’ about how beautiful she looks, but is that good parenting?? My husband and I have talked about this brains vs. beauty issue since she was very young. We remind each other to try and praise her for being smart and brave and kind to people, but it is unbelievable how often our first instinct is to say, “Oh Charlotte, you are so cute.”

One of my good friends in New York had a nanny that often kept my daughter during play dates. She was honest and reliable and the kids loved her. Perfect, right? Well sort of. I found out later, ok I was listening in again, that her favorite topic of conversation was which boys our 4-year-old girls liked. Every male child on the playground was greeted with, “Is this your boyfriend???” Giggle giggle. I hated it. We women spend most of our time on Earth worried about what the “boys” in our lives think and it would be nice if we didn’t have to start as preschoolers.

When I read reports on how many young women struggle with anorexia, or how our daughters are having sex earlier and earlier, or how many girls dream of plastic surgery to look more like this or that supermodel, I wonder. Do we subconsciously help seed these obsessions? Is every princess and model comparison just setting them up to someday feel inadequate? I don’t know, but tonight when my daughter reads a book to me at bedtime, I am going to tell her how smart she is and try not to mention how adorable she looks in her “Sleeping Beauty” nightgown.

Comments

"What do we call beauty, love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval."

i am totally guilty of doing the same thing, telling my 4 yr old girl how beautiful she is and that she should take care of her herself because she should remain beautiful. i say things like, dont run you might fall and get a scar of your body & face, i mean i feel that its okay but really in todays time we do kind of give more importance to being beautiful. its bad. but i also mention the importance of being smart, intelligent and good hearted but being beautiful is always there with it. My daughter was born in the chinese horse year and we believe that she will have the qualities of a horse so since she was very small, i have always said to my daughter " I want you to be smart, fast, honest, faithful, intelligent, strong and beautiful like a horse" so see i have always mentioned the beauty part since she was a little girl, did i do wrong ?

i have also been guilty of this, but realized quickly what I was doing. because my dd has not grown in height for awhile, but is getting bigger around the wasteline-she is aware of her looks more. I have been talking a lot of inner beauty making you a good person. Letting her know her good qualities go farther than just being pretty; which she totally is...so now she'll say-so and so isn't acting very nice-her insides must not be very beautiful-LOL. I really think even at 7 yr.old girls are noticing differences in each other...be careful ladies-we want strong, smart women in our lives, not just pretty princesses.

The other day, my barely 4 year old said, "Can I have a treat because I'm just so cute?" I was taken aback for a moment, but then told her that you don't get treats for being cute, just for being good. I know my daughter is beautiful; strangers regularly comment on her looks. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's picked up on that extra attention.

It's hard to find a balance between telling your daughter that looks aren't important and telling her that we can't leave the house until she brushes her hair! Clearly, looks are important. Everything from keeping yourself neat, to wearing clothing appropriate to the occasion underscores the importance of appearance. The challenge is to keep it in perspective; you don't want your daughter to feel the world is ending if she gets a pimple in the middle of her forehead or, on the other hand, feel that she is better than someone else because she is more beautiful.

My fiance's niece is 5 years old and a total fashionista. She already picks out her own clothes when her mother takes her shopping. And this girl is often better put together than I am! I made the mistake once of saying, "You look cute today." She immediately started strutting like she was on the catwalk. I told her mother later and her mom told me that they NEVER tell her she looks cute anymore, that they are trying to keep the ego down a little. Instead they tell her, "You look average today." Quite funny from my distant point of view.

I've always felt at peace with my life. Until I had a child. Evrywhere I turn is yet another battle. Another enemy to protect him from. Another bump, bruise, stranger, obstacle to tackle andit wears me out most days. How is it that from the time we deliver until quite possibly the day we die we are constantly at battle protecting them. I ran accros this online video, called Safe from Harm. It shows how vulnerable our children are. VERY Informative! Check it out at http:www.egrowthlabs.com/safefromharm/freedvd.html

My whole issue with princesses is not so much beauty but the nessecity of finding a prince and marriage which translates to happily ever after. So our little girls will learn (from fairy takes) that to be a perfect princess you have to find prince charming. What happened to friends, education etc. I hate fairy tales, and my daughter is obessed with princesses. :(