Oldest Mom in the Room

One of the Mom’s at my daughter’s new elementary school in Orlando, Florida happened to mention that her husband had gone to the same high school I went to. I immediately asked her what year he had graduated and she said, “1998”. I kind of choked. I then noticed that her smooth forehead was not that way because of her latest Botox injection. Oh no, this woman had an actual wrinkle-free forehead because she was, well,… young! I did a little math in my head and realized she was 24 years old. I tried to remember what I was doing when I was 24. I hadn’t even married my first husband. I was living a completely selfish life in New York City, auditioning, going to parties and clubs, responsibility free. This lovely woman had a daughter in kindergarten and another on the way. I then realized that life on the Upper West Side of Manhattan gave you a skewed idea of “normal parents.”

Your average Mom in NYC is in her late 30’s to early 40’s and usually has had some kind of career or artistic pursuit that was the focus of her life for quite a long time. Unfortunately, our children often become the focus of all that intensity. You have no idea how much time my friends and I spent debating where our kids should attend pre-school, heatedly discussing the pros and cons of Montessori school as though our lives and children’s college acceptance depended on each conversation. Many of us had just one child and we had taken to calling them “singles” instead of “onlys.” We felt that this just sounded better. My girlfriend Ceci claimed we couldn’t stay friends with someone once they had another child because they obviously weren’t endorsing our lifestyle choices. Many Manhattan Moms felt they had: 1.) already been through too many tough fertility problems having the first baby, 2.) had to get back to their important career or, 3.) they were in a really fabulous rent controlled apartment that was way too small for a family of four.

Now there is something truly wonderful about being an older Mom. You have absolutely no place that you would rather be than at home with your child. I felt like I had already been to every club, wonderful restaurant or show and that I was at the perfect age to be home each night. On the other hand, I was the most pathetic pregnant person of all times. My feet swelled, I gained tons of weight (65lbs), I was exhausted the entire time and got horrible Sciatica. I complained about this to my friend Pam who had had her first baby nine years before me. She said, “You know what your problem is Molly?” I thought she had some fantastic insight or vitamin I could take, but instead she simply said, “You are just too old.”

These questions have always plagued me. Should I have had kids sooner? Are older Moms up to the tasks of parenting? I looked to my closest resource for answers to these questions, my husband. He was 31 when my oldest stepson was born and 44 when Charlotte was born. He said, “When you are young you have more energy. When you are older you have more patience. You decide which is better.” Leave it to a man to sum up all my angst in three sentences!

Comments

I have been there. My first child arrived just after I turned 30. I asked the nurse in the hospital why all those other moms were up walking and I can hardly get out of bed? She replied "Well, you're no spring chicken." I do so enjoy being home with my kids and not feeling like I'm missing a thing. I work with a young mom who spends most of her time finding babysitters so she can have "her" life too.

Love Being a YOUNG Older Mom!

I have been there and been there. My first child was born when I was 24. My second when I was 42. Yup, 18 years difference in age. Almost to the day my son was born, my daughter was off to college. Now my son is in college - yes I am old - and I am YOUNG!

Having a baby when you are older has many advantages. You are more likely to handle challenges with ease. You become energized emotionally and physically. You want to run, jump and play in your late 40s and fifties. You go to games and yell for your kids. You go to concerts and burst with pride and happiness. You spend lots of time with younger moms which keeps you in the know. You are able to share all your acquired knowledge and wisdom with you children - I didn't have as much for my first born.

I would say you grow up with your kids when you have them young. You grow young with you kids when you have them at an older age. Both are enormously rewarding!

I love your comments. Thank you. I really like the idea of growing young with your kids.

I was in no way ready to have children in my twenties. I felt sorry for people with kids then. You husband is absolutely right. I have MUCH more patience now I a approach 40.

Well I'm only 30, but I got the best of both worlds! I spent my 20s bar hopping, spending every last dime I had on a new shirt, new shoes, movies, adventure sports, you name it! It was ALL ABOUT ME.

Then I met a man who adores his 3 children to no end, would go to the ends of the earth and back for them, and now me.

So now I'm a stepmom of a 9,7 and 5 year old. I missed out on their baby and toddler years, but I have NO desire to relive my youth. I get to shop for new clothes for them now and I really appreciate my jeans and sweats, however old and covered with whatever splashed on me during the baking fiasco. Driving kids here and there to lessons, birthday parties, friends houses...

I love it so much that now I'm ready for the baby times and want more...MANY MORE! And I'm tired and exhausted, but I still crash into the pillow at night with a huge smile on my face. I look fwd to being the "cool young mom" to my oldest when she's 14, and being the "older mom" to my future kids when the time comes!

I'm a young mom and have enjoyed it. I'm 28 and expecting my fourth child. My husband and I decided to have our children while we were still young enough to handle it. His parents were older and had a hard time keeping up.

I am a young mother and there is a mother in my oldest daughters class that is my parents age and we often have the same conversation. I don't think one is better than the other, and do not like the comments about older parents are better because of this and visa versa.
I am 26 with three girls(no more)and my husband is 27. My husband has tons of energy, little patience, me on the other hand I have little energy and tons of patience. I do not feel like I am missing out on my "youth" because this is how I want to spend it. I want to be at home on the couch watching Little Mermaid with my three little girls instead of going to the trendiest club, I want to go to IHop and make a mess with pancakes instead of going to the most expensive restaurant in LA, and spending nice weekends at the park instead of shopping. I think most people will have kids when they want and when they feel it is right for them.My husband and I will have time in our 40s and on to do more of a me thing but this is what we want now.

You did you math wrong. I am 24 and I graduated high school in 2000. This woman is 26 or 27.

I was blessed when I was 42 and then again at 44 with little guys that gave me a deeper element to life. I was very focused on career early and didn't relish children. However, it has brougt a different presepective to my life and has made me a more compassionate leader of a large public company.

I'm 26 and expecting for my second son, all this while i been really upset of being a young mother among my friends(they are not even married yet while I'm having my second child). I'm sad because I feel that I have not achieve what I want in my career and also most of my dreams, but then I realize that I have more fun achieving what I want with my kid and my hubby be with me, supporting me. Anyway, I'm not the kind of girl who like to hang out in bar nor pub, so never regret of that. The only thing that made me happy is to think about the time when i reach forty, I'm able to grow YOUNG with my sons. So, no worry about the age you had your baby, you will have fun still.

I know somewhat how u feel, I am 37 had my daughter when i was 29 . I at first got depressed over seeing young parents with kids my age, but i have a load of fun with her. I worked when she was little and chose to stay home . shes 8 now and i love it. I sell avon to be home with her . wouldnt trade it for the world and dont care who likes it in my family!!!!!!

Sadly it is always about older women not older men.I am approaching 40 and have a toddler and I miss my fredoms although I love my son to bits. As one person said, you choose and you live with it.

I'm due with my 3rd child the day before I turn 38. The other kids are 17 and 14. I'm excited about this baby but honestly- terrified to be too old to handle it. The baby's father who does not want this pregnancy to continue has assured me that I will die young and leave the child motherless (and fatherless) but, I trudge along hoping to be healthy, happy and focused on more important things.

for "kinda ols i guess" i had my first three when i was 20,24,28 and my next two when i was 38,39. I know how you feel. At first it was scary but my older children were so much help, i was shocked. Especially the boys. But now they are 2 and 1 and I couldn't be happier. The house is messy but the kids are great. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. Just share this pregnancy with your children, let them shop with you and help make decisions for the baby. When the baby comes show them how to care for the little one and everything will be fine. It isn't just your baby its theirs too and it's so wonderful to see them taking care of their little bundle of joy. Good luck and god bless. Oh and about him telling you that junk (father) i use to have those thoughts ... i fixed that i decided i'm not dieing until they are ready to take care of themselves around 30ish or more.

I am a young 49, going on 50. The reason I am young at this age is because of my fourth child. He is going to be 9 soon and his siblings are 25, 23 and 21. I was scared, depressed and worried of dying while he still needed me. The best advice I can give is, "Stop thinking so much!" This is the way it is, you can't change it and would you really want to. Don't listen to the other people. It will only make you anxious, and start you over-thinking it again. Enjoy!!!!! The older ones adjust and help. The younger one reminds me what it was like to be young. He gives me a different perspective on my own life. It's all about him this time. By keeping it that way I am finally living instead of getting by. What do we really gain by always trying to move up or ahead? Are we missing out on what is important? I think my youngest has answered those questions for me and I intend to grab everything he has to offer. The best of luck to every mom out there, young or old.

KSH, you're right on the young mom's age. I graduated in 1998, and I'm about to turn 27. I can't comment from a parent's perspective, but my parents were really young when they had me, and I think there were pros and cons for them. They had tons of energy to run around and play when I was little, but they weren't perhaps as financially stable as they were when they were older because my dad hadn't finished school, etc. It's a trade-off I suppose.

I always thought I would have kids in my mid twenties. I'm glad I didn't because I at mid twenty I hadn't found my perfect mate. I had my first child at 29 (he was 26) and my second at 31. I would not trade them for the world. Both my husband and I had time to go out and party all night. Now we still go out, but one of us stays home with the kids and we don't go out before 10 because we want to play with the kids and make sure the kids are asleep. You can still have the best of both worlds. On special occasions we do get a babysitter and we both go out.

I had my daughter when I was 30, and my son just before I turned 35. My daughter's BFF was born while her parents were in high school. *sigh*

My husband and I have been going back and fourth about having a fourth child. I am 28 and he is 35. Our children's ages are (4,2 & 11 months). My husband brings up the cons and I bring up the pros. I'm a stay at home mom and LOVE it. Can somebody help me out with the pro's and con's to going for the 4th.